I’ve been in one of those modes recently where I’ve let the daily grind wear and tear me up. I’m working too hard for too little money. I’m beating myself up for not accomplishing the million tasks I think I should be doing. For all the bills that get paid a day too late. But here’s the thing: I’ve been worrying about stuff that, in the grand scheme of it all, doesn’t really matter.
Don’t get me wrong, daily life is stressful. It’s hard not to get caught up in it all. I’ve been in this place before, I’ll be in this place again. But somewhere in the middle, I remember that I’m alive. I’m so lucky that every day I wake up, my eyes open. It’s all an adventure, the good and the bad. And I’m grateful to be along for the ride.
I try to remind myself that that from one moment to the next, every single second is unique. I will never be here, exactly as I am now, in this moment again.
I try to remind myself to worry less.
I try to remind myself to enjoy the ride a little more.
I try to remind myself that the problems of today, will soon enough be the problems of yesterday.
I will never be here, exactly here, again.
And I am so goddamn lucky to be here, to be my over-anxious, worry-riddled, carefree, reckless, shy, spotlight-lovin’ complex contradictory self.
I remind myself to appreciate it.
I remind myself not to let it slip by unnoticed – overshadowed by the daily grind and all my worries.
I read something recently that put all this philosophy into a pithy little sentence:
“How you spend your days is how you spend your life.”
My first thought was “Damn, I need watch less Netflix”. My second thought was “I am so not pithy. It takes me a million sentences to convey any point. I’m more the ‘long-winded’ type”. My third thought was “Netflix is the shit though”.
And I made a vow not to worry so much, to not to obsess about the things that are out of my control. That no matter my life circumstances, I will strive for happiness.
And also to forgive myself when I get sucked back into the daily stress. When I worry too much about the little things. To recognize that as an inevitability. To see it as human.
But I will strive to live my days with joyful abandon.
To make my days count.
To make my life count.
I’m here, after all.