The Best Christmas Wreath You Will Ever See

So, I came across this wreath in my travels and even though I don’t decorate for Christmas (calm down, I just usually go away for the holidays and they have decorations up) I wanted to buy him and carry him around with me.

I legit considered flying this across the country with me. It is not small.

Seriously, I was thinking about forgoing gifts for my family, because honestly, all you need is Charlie.

Did I forget to mention I named him Charlie?

Yes, despite the big red lips and the false eyelashes that go on for miles, I am convinced that Charlie is a him and he is living his very best life dammit.

Luckily for my family, when I went back to get him he was already gone. I hope that wherever he is, he is being treated well and appreciated for all his glory.

To my family:

I’m sorry I lost out on him.

Or you’re welcome?

It depends on how attached you are to your definitely-not-as-awesome-as-Charlie gift that you’re getting.

Prepare to have a framed picture of Charlie put under the tree, with a candle and flowers in an Ode-to-the-Christmas-that-almost-was.

Also, every toast I make will be to Charlie. Imma get hella tipsy.

PS – To my family: in all honestly, I’m so sorry you’re related to me. My bad.

PPS – To the rest of the world: you’re definitely welcome. For me not being related to you, I mean.

Yes, this happened. This time, I am genuinely sorry.

15 thoughts on “The Best Christmas Wreath You Will Ever See

    • Thanks Simon! I really appreciate that. ❤

      I have been quiet lately on the blog and felt really guilty about it. I’ve had a couple of hurdles to get through recently and one of the things that happens with traumatized brains is the words go away (there’s interference with the language centers of the brain). But alas, all will be well! It is what it is, and that’s okay. The words will find their way back eventually. I’ve got a number of projects on the go right now too, so I’m still expending that creative energy – there’s just limited reserves. This might be a sign though that it’s time to come back. Thanks again – it does mean a lot!

      (unpleasant comments are definitely ignored – that person has been hanging around for a while. It’s weird, how someone will take the time to come back again and again to something they keep expressing dislike for. Seems… illogical.)


      • That’s ok, we have to try and look out for each other as much as we can.

        Don’t feel guilty about it, this kind of thing happens and we have to get through it in our own ways. Maybe you could write about having nothing to write about to let people know you’re still about.

        I have no idea who this person is. If they keep coming back let me know and we’ll have to see what can be done ok? Don’t get worried about it. These people are illogical they think they’re big hiding behind a mask being little shits. But I bet if this is a guy he has no penis at all. Lol

        Liked by 1 person

        • Hahaha – that’s probably accurate! Honestly, the comments have yet to bother me. I look at this trolling as good practice for the future, if nothing else. There’s always bad people out there, but there’s a whole lotta good people too.

          That’s a good idea – writing about writing! Thanks again Simon. 🙂


          • Ashley’s happy to help, don’t hesitate to ask for help if this troll doesn’t stop harassing you. I’ll look forward to you post 🙂


  1. it’s too early, rite? to know what and how and why and when i’m gonna react, or not, this holiday season. e.g., weave only rememburrrd to lite the menorah lites, um, twice now? but that’ll change tonight. maybe. we’re going to “be grampa (grumpa) and “say-dee” startin’ in 2 daze, so like yerself, i’ll try for a restrained somber tipsy. prawbubbly knot …


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