Technically, it still works.

So I have a tendency when it comes to phones: if it still functions as a phone – it’s fine. And I use the term functioning loosely.

If I can make phone calls, receive like 90% of my texts, and can use my apps 30% of the time, I’m pretty happy.

You currently have to break your thumb on hit my home button an average of three times before it will respond.

It can only do one thing at once. For example, if you’re on the phone and need to google something – tough shit babe.

Things recently escalated however.

I was laying in bed in the dark and hit my home button to check the time and it felt wrong. Just all kinds of shit-that-can’t-be-good.

So I got up and flipped on the light and saw this:

*dramatic re-enactment brought to you by the internet*

I took it into the phone provider and very reasonably asked if they had ever dealt with this issue before and if so, what recommendations they could make.

Wide-eyed teenager: “OMG – does that still work?!”

Me: “Totally. You just kinda have to mash the screen down and then it’s fine. So, can I glue this up or do I have to tape it for safety reasons?”

Wide-eyed teenager: “I’m gonna get my manager.”

One minute later:

Manager: “What can I help you with today?”

Me: *shows phone and repeats question*

Manager: “OMG – does that still work?!”

Me: “Yup.”

Manager: “That’s crazy. I’ve seen corners pop up and the entire screen stops working. Well, I don’t know anything about how the phones are manufactured, so I don’t know which areas to glue and whatnot. Taping it would certainly be safer. That’s what I would do.”

Me: “Imma glue it. Thanks!”

I usually seek a consultation for a second opinion, because knowledge is power, and then do whatever the hell I want anyway. I figured tape would look too ghetto, even for me. So I popped into the nail salon next door and asked to borrow nail glue. And they looked at me like I had three heads while I nail-glued my phone back together.

And you know what? It totally worked.

This is what my phone looks like now. *still a dramatic re-enactment though*

PS – I fix everything with nail glue. That shit is crazy adhesive.

PPS – My friend made me promise to stop charging the phone in bed while I slept, for fear of my life. I promised.

PPPS – But then almost immediately broke that promise. I might as well have pinky-swore on it for all my word was worth.

PPPPS – Sometimes a girl’s just gotta charge her phone in bed, ya know? It’s also my alarm clock.

PPPPPS – I guess this is finally the downside of the all-in-one-device generation.

PPPPPPS – When I was typing “broken iPhone” into this posts tags it was all like “Did you mean broken face?!” and I was like “NO. Now I have new broken things to talk about, thankyouverymuch.”

 

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