Conversation I had with a 7-year-old:
Him (about a key on my necklace): Is that a real key?
Me: Yes. It opens a very small safe.
Him: What’s in the safe?
Me: A microchip containing government secrets. Mention it to no one, it could put your entire family in danger. You need to pretend you don’t know about it.
Him: I’m gonna tell everyone.
Me: It’s your life.
Him: Can it come off your necklace?
Me: It doesn’t come off.
Him: I’m gonna bring scissors and cut it off the next time I see you.
Me: If you do that, I’ll murder you in your sleep. I don’t love you like your parents do.
His father: You can’t hide maternal instincts like that.
Strangely, these kids actually like me. They think I’m hilarious. They and I have that in common.