Before I went on my trip I let all of my groceries deplete and thus didn’t have very much in the house upon my return. I only had a bagel this morning in the midst of an 18-hour day, so I finally caved and walked my ass to the grocery store.
I was hangry before this adventure started.
They say it’s never a good idea to grocery shop hungry but I needed all the things anyway so I just decided I’d restock my cupboards, and cab it home because I don’t have a car. I planned on getting too many things to carry home. I was not off to a good start.
I spent waaay too much money, at the checkout I was like “oops” but I was too far up in that b*tch to turn back so I just rolled with it.
Then I ingeniously decide to save $10 bucks by walking home and carrying all my things. Seriously, one of my arms isn’t bending and I lift stuff all day at work.
If you ask me why I insist on making things complicated, the honest answer is… I truly have no idea.
Ok, so that’s the backstory.
I get home and I’m unpacking my groceries and the poor teenage checkout girl packed my bread in with my 2-liter almond milk and it’s all smushy.
I was like: “Nope. I do not accept this.”
So I called the store, explained the situation and was transferred to a manager.
This is exactly how I described it to him:
“Okay, so I just went through one of your checkout lines and the girl packed my bread with my almond milk and now it’s all smushy. I mean, it’s probably not a big deal and I might just be hangry but it’s like two normal loaves of bread got together and had a 2-generation mutated radiation bread baby.”
No reaction at all.
In the way that he just reacted completely normally, saying “Oh no! That’s not very good, I’m sorry to hear that – you know, I’m off really soon and I can drop you off more bread?”
Perhaps it just takes a while for the awesomeness of that sentence to sink in?
(I swear for all you Americans, the whole super sweet thing and offer to bring more bread is a totally normal Canadian thing. We’re insanely nice. Mostly.)
Sidenote – While looking up pictures of bread to include with this post I stumbled across this one and I just had to share:
But it also makes me sad because he’s probably dead (I say probably because I’m an optimist) and the animal kingdom doesn’t have a version of that 10,000 Ways To Die show because they don’t have TVs so his bizarre death can’t even make him famous to all his lizard friends.
PS – Smushy is a word now. Say it. It’s fun.
PPS – I declined his offer to bring me bread. Seemed like overkill.
PPPS – Also, I’m so sorry that I just told you a story about bread.
PPPPS – Unless it’s the most hilarious story about bread that you’ve ever read. The bar’s gotta be set pretty low there.
PPPPPS – In that case, you’re welcome.