The disappointing thing that happened at the beach that day.

BeachFrom June to October, living on an Island in Eastern Canada rocks. There’s sun, ocean, parties, concerts and total bliss. Then our beautiful little Island turns into a winter wasteland and all of your daydreams consist of embracing the 60 year old lifestyle early and moving to Florida where all you have to worry about it sinkholes.

Seriously, these are two very different types of cliffs. The picture on the right is not mine, source here.

Seriously, these are two very different types of cliffs.
The picture on the right is not mine, source here.

I guess with ice on the ground now my mind keeps wandering back to a time of the year when I could really enjoy living on an Island by going to a beach (one of my favourite things to do), and that reminded me of a funny story I’d like to share with you.  Obviously, it takes place at a beach. But not this beach.  This beach is my new happy place (Thunder Cove, PEI if any of you would ever like to visit Canada).

So I’m the type of girl that likes to have an ’emergency tampon’ in most of my bags – not only for myself but in solidarity to all women. Because nothing sucks more than not having a tampon when you need it.

Just a few months ago, for example, I was drinking in a bar and as one does when drinking in a bar I eventually found myself in the bathroom.  From the stall next to me, I heard the question I love to hear: “Excuse me, weird question but… Do you happen to have a tampon?”

“I SURE DO!!” I exclaimed excitedly.

I fished out my emergency tampon while explaining my habit of carrying ’emergency tampons’ for the world at large and we bonded over our stupid uteruses and the misery they called us and for 20 minutes I had a new best friend.

We even went to the bar after and had ‘period shots’. Naturally we choose a red liquor.

Where was I? Right. Beach. Anyway, I always have an emergency tampon at the beach cause that seems like the most horrifying place to be stuck without a tampon.

Sandstone catacombs at Thunder Cove.

Sandstone catacombs at Thunder Cove.

One day, I was there with a few friends and I went for a walk.  Upon returning, one of my guy friends looked at me, with sadness in his eyes, and said “I went in your bag looking for a lighter and I thought I found candy. I opened it and it was not candy. It was a tampon.”

Frankly, I couldn’t imagine a more disappointing letdown to “Hey I just found candy!” for a guy.

But on the other hand – that’s what you get for trying to steal my candy asshole.


PS – Spellcheck doesn’t like uteruses. Uteri? OMG SPELLCHECK TOOK THAT.

PPS – I still prefer uteruses.

PPPS – I think the most important thing you can learn from this is giving away tampons will get you free shots. That’s what I learned from this.

6 thoughts on “The disappointing thing that happened at the beach that day.

    • I think I might make period shots a permanent fixture in my monthly cycle.

      There’s a million euphemisms – I like to switch it up. I love “the shining elevator”.

      Some of my other favorites:
      Surfing the crimson wave
      Communists in the funhouse
      Crime scene in my pants
      The crimson horror (a Dr. Who reference)
      The red dot special
      The crimson attack
      Bear Season (because apparently bears are attracted to women on their periods – brave bears)
      The Carrie Special
      Shark Week
      Riding the cotton pony
      The Court of the Red Queen
      The Red Comet

      That’s all I got for now. Hopefully there will always be kindly strangers with tampons for Bear Season.

      Liked by 1 person

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