So you know how last week I was all “I’ve got a super long awesome post coming your way next week”?
I STILL have not had time to finish it. I’m pretty much the worst blogger ever. Well maybe not the WORST WORST ever. Anyway, the moral of the story is I’m sorry. And the post IS coming. Soon.
Remember a month ago when I posted about looking for work and being mildly terrified of impending homelessness? Well that very day I got not one but TWO jobs, and I’m currently fielding an offer from a third. It was no jobs, then all the jobs. Life is funny that way.
Well, for one of the jobs I have to get up at 3:30 a.m.
AM.
A. M.
When I tell you that I am not a morning person, I would like to stress that I mean that with all my heart. There are 5 alarms on my phone set at 10 minute intervals, and I’m still paranoid about sleeping in, and that’s when I have to get up at 8 a.m. I’m not cranky in the morning or anything, it’s just as soon as I’m asleep that becomes the most important thing in the world. My house could be burning down and I’d be like “Meh. The dream I was having was really good. I’m just gonna go back to sleep.”
Of course when they offered me the job they asked if I would mind the 5 a.m. start time, and because I didn’t want to be homeless I was all like “Sure! *perky* *perky* No problem!” but I left out the part where I have never seen 5 a.m., let alone 3:30 a.m. in the morning in my whole entire life unless I was still up drinking from the night before.
The last month of my life has been pretty interesting. I’m exhausted ALL THE TIME while I adjust to this ludicrousness and I have yet to sleep for more than 5 consecutive hours at a time (normally I sleep for like 9 hours) since taking the position. Plus with the second job three days of my week are 14 hour days.
When I get up for work in the morning even my cat looks at me like “What the fuck is wrong with you? It’s the middle of the night. The whole world is sleeping. You’ve lost your goddamned mind.”
Thankfully I’m only filling a leave so I only have to keep this pace up for another 5 months, and I am slowly starting to adjust.
So. I’m sorry. I love you. Please stick with me through this.
I think we’ve established which one I am.
Stories from the far side of normal 
3:30am starts sound like the worst kind of hell there is. I’m definitely not a morning person. When I was eleven I decided that I would be an author when I grew up, for the SOLE REASON that as an author I would work from home and thus could sleep whenever I wanted. And also spend all day in my pajamas if I felt like it. And pretty much do all the weird or interesting things I wanted to and claim it was for ‘research’ if anyone questioned me about it.
Actually this author thing still sounds pretty good.
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That sounds like the dream life to me!!!
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I would never cope with consistent 3.30am starts! Last year had to be in office few times at 7am, and felt such a hero. So, kudos to u!
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Thanks! I’m actually pretty proud that I’ve kept it up.
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Damn right! 🙂
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I’m a morning person when I have to be. If I have the luxury of sleeping in, you better not disturb me at 7am! But if I need to be up at 3:30 am, I’m up. Its a weird in between
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That sounds perfect! Gotta say, I’m a little jealous. Cherish the hours not lost on anxiously tossing and turning at night, paranoid and anxious that you will not get up.
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Crazily enough, I’m the one on the left. I’ve never had much of a problem getting up early and one alarm for me is enough. I get up at 3:30 am too and don’t often go to bed until midnight. Not sure how long that will last, but according to some study about genius’s and sleep I should be a CEO, an inventor or Einstein and I’m not even close to that. I am an expert level napper though, where I can sleep for 10 or 15 minutes and that takes me a long way. Congrats on your job and not being homeless!
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Hahaha, thanks! I HAVE found that while I used to love napping simply for the sheer luxury of it, it now plays a vital performance in my life.
You SHOULD be a genius, you weird anomaly you. You owe it to your sleep patterns to do great things.
Teach me your secrets!
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Yep. I think I should go back to the young me and beg me to take naps when I had the chance. They are seriously so vital nowadays. And if I can just sneak a 15 minute one now and then, I’m good.
I hope to someday reveal the secrets to genius, when I figure out what mine is. It certainly isn’t math that is for sure.
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I am SHOCKINGLY bad at math.
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The worst part of not being good at math is having a kid that is also bad, and having to learn everything all over again so I kind of help her with it. UGGGGHHH!
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That sounds like a terrible punishment from the universe!!
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You have no idea how bitter it makes me. I have to learn about ratios and integers and imaginary numbers and I’m like imaginary? Are you kidding me? I tell my daughter to get good at it because she will have to teach her daughter how to do it someday.
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If the number is imaginary isn’t the answer purple?
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Actually if it is an imaginary friend then it is Bing Bong from Inside Out and he is more pinkish.
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Well played.
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