Why proof-readers are so important

I’ve been a little quiet lately and it’s because very exciting things are happening!  I can officially add “writer” to my resume.  What?!  You may not be as excited as I am, but I am PUMPED.

A local magazine here on our beautiful little Island is going to feature me as their new monthly humor columnist.  My very first article hits the stands in six short days.  I’m a bundle of terrified delighted nervous excited energy.  All of those things really.  (Isn’t it funny how those emotions often go together?)  I saw a Venn diagram once that summed up how I feel about writing perfectly, and thanks to the wonders of Google, I can share that with you today:

Luckily, I believe in doing what scares me so I’m surging forward happily along this new path.

I’ll keep you posted.

Now, onto the funny blog post part of this adventure (cause I know that’s why you love coming here):

I recently went out to dinner with a large group of friends and while the food was terrible the menu was hilarious.  So hilarious that I just HAD to share it with you.

It started with this little gem:

I didn't know that 'until' was spelled with two L's untill just now.

I didn’t know that ‘until’ was spelled with two L’s untill just now.

Although I deeply appreciated that they put in the effort to make their white-out/blue pen corrections to the menu a fancy calligraphy project that failed on a spectacular level.  Also, this mistake was not on all the menus, just most of them.  So somewhere along the way the mistake was caught and corrected but then the decision was made that going back and white-outing the other white-out corrections would possibly create a rip in the space/time continuum was just too much work.

Then we spotted this:

“I’d like to order the right-hand side Bacon Ranch Deluxe burger, hold the ranch dressing. Seriously, don’t give me the left-side burger. I’ll know the difference.”

That’s actually a direct quote, that was followed by us breaking down in multiple fits of giggles because apparently we have the maturity equivalency of six-year-olds.  Luckily our server found us amusing and not annoying.  Or more likely, faked it really well.

Then we found this typo:

Do you streak while you bring me that steak? Cause if so, I'd like that please.

Do you streak while you bring me that steak? Cause if so, I’d like that please.

Then it became a game and I started taking pictures.  Sadly, we only found one more:

Do you streak while you bring me that steak? Cause if so, I'd like that please.

For some reason I’m picturing a haddock burger on a teeny-tiny mattress on top of lettuce, all in a bun. Teeny-tiny things are adorable. I’d probably order that.

Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not sitting atop my majestic stallion of a high horse all like “I NEVER MAKE MISTAKES! AHAHAHA, LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE WROUGHT FORTH IN YOUR MENU!  YOU MUST NOW FOREVER HANG YOUR HEAD IN SHAME!”  We all make mistakes, and I am certainly no exception.  For example, spell-check has corrected me so many times in this one post that it’s all like “Seriously dude?  What is wrong with you?   Are you sure you graduated from an actual university? Cause it doesn’t seem like it.  I’m concerned.”  I’m even 99% sure I used ‘wrought’ incorrectly but a 30-second Google search hasn’t answered my question so I’m rolling with it cause it sounds nice.  And despite spell-check AND Google my sister often texts me after I publish a post to ask: “Are you drunk?  Because you’re missing entire words.  Get it together.”  And I love her for it.

So I’m not laughing at this restaurant so much as with it, because I’m pretty sure they also have access to spell-check too and multiple employees who could do some proof-reading but their minimum-wage salaries just don’t necessitate the will to care all that much.  It wouldn’t for me either.

PS – Now I really want a Bacon Ranch Burger.  Somehow the carrot sticks I’m eating right now just aren’t the same.

PPS – LIGHTBULB!!!!  I could open up a restaurant and fill the menu with a shit-ton intentional mistakes and grammar nazi’s could play a game of spot-all-the-mistakes while they decide on their order.  And if you spot all of the mistakes you get your picture on the wall or something.  I’m a genius.

PPPS – Okay, downside: then all my customers would be grammer nazi’s.  Maybe I’m not a genius.

PPPPS – That’s disappointing.

PPPPPS – A Bacon Ranch Deluxe burger would console me.

8 thoughts on “Why proof-readers are so important

  1. Oh my gosh so funny! I was totally thinking half way through this post that it would be funny to start a restaurant that intentionally spelled things wrong, and it would become a game, but then you realized that at the end so I can’t take that idea, cause got it first. Also that I wanted a Bacon Cheeseburger.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Great minds think alike, and fools rarely differ (although I like to ignore the last part of that quote). Perhaps if this whole blogging thing doesn’t work out we’ll go into the restaurant business together.

      Also, I hear ya about the burger. I was THISCLOSE to going and getting one after I wrote this post but then my neighbor talked me into just going and buying groceries like a responsible adult. Adulting sucks.


      • I’ve always wanted to branch out on the whole Bitter thing and create a whole line of bitter products and a chain of restaurants with bitter servers and food that was fatty but delicious was always a part of that. I would definitely need to hand it off to someone else to cook, because I clearly can’t but I could certainly be the manager walking around asking if their service was terribly bitter enough for them and then leave without hearing their response.
        Yeah, I have great ideas that would work.

        Liked by 1 person

        • I LOVE IT. They have restaurants were the waitresses can no-holds-barred verbally spar with the customers that are pretty popular. But you have a complete branding behind you. Please, please do that. And then contact me so I can bitterly eat there.


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