I keep a list on my phone titled ‘Shit my drunk friends say’ because most of the time they’re funnier than I am. Welcome to the first edition!
I’m gonna shower in gin. Cause I can.
******
I’m on a water break. Gotta pace myself. Last year I got so drunk on the poker run, I ended up with a boyfriend. I’m having none of that shit this year.
******
I woke up and there was a pig’s head in the oven.
******
If you could take one Flintstones character to a deserted island, which one would you take. I’d choose the big pterodactyl bird. I’d take him cause I’d eat him.
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I smell burning… OH MY SHOE’S ON FIRE!
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(when we were semi-lost)
Me: Man, I love driving in circles.
T: Me too. It’s like donuts, only slower.
******
If the liquor store gave Air Miles we’d be in Cuba by now.
******
My bruises have bruises, and… is that… there’s blood on my boob. WHAT HAPPENED TO ME LAST NIGHT?!
That’s it! Stay tuned for the next edition. And please, feel free to share some of the funniest things you’ve heard while drinking in the comments.
Stories from the far side of normal 